Jozie

Jozie's Birth

The week before Jozie was born, we still had all of her stuff in our
living room and were furiously working to finish the office we have
been remodeling. I must have been nesting, because I spent hours
sanding sheetrock putty and putting flooring in. All that hard work
may have contributed to Jozie coming ten days early, which is a bit
ironic (my official due date by the end of pregnancy was May 23rd).
Sunday May 13th was Mother's Day and Chad didn't have any early
morning meetings. We spent the morning relaxing and having a great
breakfast of strawberry crepes. We had sex twice and I think this
got labor going but we didn't know it.

We walked to church at 1:00 and listened to a great Mother's Day program. A sewer line or
something at the church wasn't working so all other meetings were
cancelled. I stood up at the end of the meeting and felt a bunch of
water seep into my underwear. I thought my water had just broken but
was pretty incredulous and unsure (this was my first baby).
Meanwhile, as I was trying to figure out whether my water had
broken, a lady in the ward came up to me to ask some genealogy
questions. For some reason I didn't want to tell people my water
broke, so I just stood there and hoped no more came out while we
talked! Then I found Chad and we left. While walking home I told him
I thought my water had broken but wasn't sure. When we were a few
houses away from our house even more came out and I started walking
really fast! It was starting to soak into my skirt. We passed by
some neighbors but didn't say hi or anything. I knew I needed to get
home before any more fluid came out! Our neighbor told me later that
she had bet at the time that my water had broken—she was right.

We got home and I kept losing fluid. I called the midwife
group I had been seeing and they said to go to the hospital to get
checked out. I didn't plan to be staying there but thought we should
pack some things just in case. We got to the labor and delivery area
on the 4th floor at about 4:00 p.m. and they had me get into a
hospital gown and hooked me up to external monitors which kept track
of the baby's heart rate and my contractions (I use contractions
throughout this and don't see the word as scary). Sandea, the
midwife on call, checked the fluid "down there" with some litmus
paper-like stuff and it was definitely amniotic fluid. She brought
in an ultrasound machine and made sure the baby was head down.

The monitor was picking up regular contractions but I
couldn't feel them at all. I had heard that it's a bad idea to go to
the hospital too soon if you want to avoid a lot of interventions,
so I wanted to go home until I could feel regular contractions. The
midwife and the nurse made me feel really bad about that though
because there's an increased risk of infection if your water has
broken (I think they blew it way out of proportion though). I
insisted that I didn't want to stay and we left at about 6:00.

When we got home I called Chad's sister for advice and she
stressed the importance of walking to get labor started. I was
really worried that my contractions wouldn't pick up on their own,
which would mean that labor would need to be enhanced with Pitocin,
which makes contractions much harder, which meant it would be harder
for me to do it without an epidural. So, Chad and I spent a few
hours walking all around our neighborhood. Toward the end of the
walk I could feel contractions a little. I was still leaking a lot
of fluid (but had a pad so no problem). We came home, finished
packing for a hospital stay, and went to bed. I couldn't really
sleep of course (way too wired up) and I put on a Hypnobabies
cd, "Easy First Stage," to relax. It sort of worked. I wasn't
comfortable so I went out and laid on the couch. Around 2:00 a.m. I
started to get worried about being at home and losing so much fluid.
I worried about how much fluid I could lose before it was dangerous
for the baby (which I later learned isn't too much of a concern),
and I worried because I wasn't feeling her move. I was starting to
feel contractions enough that I couldn't sleep. I decided it was
time to get checked into the hospital. We never timed the
contractions before leaving and it turns out we could have waited at
least four more hours before checking in, in my opinion. On the
drive to the hospital I felt Jozie (the baby) move, but decided to
just keep going since we were already on the way.

Once at the hospital they hooked me up to the monitors for a
little while. I think I was monitored for about an hour. I listened
to "Easy First Stage" a couple of times and I think it helped me
relax a lot. I asked Chad to go to the store to get bottled water
and some granola bars. My goal was to do some more walking in order
to get contractions going more strongly, so as soon as he got back
and I got off the monitors we went outside. This was at about 6:30
a.m. The minute we got in front of the hospital my contractions
started coming stronger and about every minute. Whenever I would
have one I would stop and Chad would press really hard against my
lower back. I don't remember exactly what I would think about each
time—I think mainly about relaxing and about my middle being full of
soft feathers with my baby inside. What Chad did really helped. We
walked down the block and probably looked funny to people on the
street, although I'm sure it wasn't hard for them to figure out what
was going on. We went down to the upper wall of Memory Grove where
there's an awesome view of the Salt Lake Valley and just sat there
for a while. The wall is made of rocks and the coolness of the rocks
felt so good on my legs. After a while I swung one of my legs around
and straddled the wall and just hung out like that for a while as
Chad gave me a backrub. I felt pretty good like that. I would bet
that at this point I was dilated to seven centimeters but I had no
idea. No one had done any internal checks on me because my water had
already broken and they didn't want to introduce any infection
there. I'm really glad that I didn't have any numbers to measure my
progress by and that I was just able to take the contractions as
they came and not worry about how much progress I was making. I
think it was tons better that way and I plan to always do labor like
that if possible.

I want to say here that the contractions really weren't that
bad. I had to stop and focus each time one came and the cramping was
strong, but it really wasn't bad. I'm so glad that I've been able to
read other people's birth stories in the past and read about their
contractions because it taught me not be afraid of them and not to
see them as a huge deal, and they really weren't. If I had been
afraid and tense it would have been 100 times worse, and I think the
Hypnobabies program is right on when it talks about the importance
of relaxing with each contraction. One thing that helped was if a
contraction started and the nurse was talking to me or something, I
would just put up a finger, look down, and check out until it
peaked. Whoever I was talking to got the hint and let me focus until
I was ready to talk again.

The nurses had told us to come back in an hour to get
monitored again, so we came back at about 7:30 a.m. I was monitored
for a while and then Chad and I walked up and down the hall a few
times. At this point I had to really focus on each contraction and
they were getting pretty strong. I decided to try getting in bed for
some relief. We came back to the room and Chad laid down in a chair
that folds out. I got into kind of a hands and knees position on the
bed. I had brought a book to try to distract me and I got through
about a page, but it didn't help. I put on the cd again and listened
for a little while, but the contractions were very strong now and
made my lower back hurt A LOT. Jozie wasn't posterior—she was head
down and sideways with her back at my left side—but I suppose the
force of the contractions could have been pushing her more against
my back than my front. I thought "I can't do this anymore! I'm going
to have to get an epidural!" I called the nurses at about 9:30 a.m.
and asked for someone to come help me. A nurse, Corene, and the
midwife on call, Jenny Sorensen, came into the room. I told them I
wanted to see how far I was dilated. I was sure I still had a long
way to go and had no idea how I'd make it. When the midwife
announced I was already dilated to nine centimeters I was astounded.
It gave me so much hope to know I was that close and I knew I could
do it. People have said that when the contractions get to the point
that you don't think you can handle them anymore, you're almost
done. That was totally the case with me.

The nurse filled up the tub and I stripped down to a sports
bra and got in. Before labor began, I had wondered how getting in
the tub would work because I figured I would want to listen to the
Hypnobabies cds at the time and thought it would be awkward. I
didn't want to though. I had Chad push on my back during each
contraction and he asked me questions about my special place, which
was the Tree of Life. He asked me about what the trees looked like,
what the people there were wearing, etc. It really helped. After a
while I told him to talk to me about hiking, so during each
contraction he asked me questions about our hike to the summit of
King's Peak (the highest peak in Utah) and talked about how cold it
was, etc., and helped me remember and picture it. It seems like I
only stayed in the tub for twenty minutes or so.

I started to feel like pushing a little at this point. I got
out and decided to sit on the toilet and try to pee but couldn't. I
liked being on the cool toilet seat and had read about how this can
be a relaxing place to be during labor because it's a place we're
used to sitting and relaxing. I probably stayed there for two
contractions or so and still felt a little like pushing. I asked the
nurse and midwife what transition would be like and they said, "Oh,
you're already through it." Awesome! I got on the bed and I think
they checked me again. They asked me what position I wanted to push
in. I had seen them put up a birthing bar during my hospital tour
and thought I would like that. They put up the bar and lowered the
edge of the bed. Chad got behind me and held me and then each time a
contraction came and I felt like pushing, I reached up to the bar
and bore down. It was hard work! I hadn't known how hard it was to
push and really hadn't prepared for this part. I am so grateful for
a wonderful husband, nurse, and midwife, who were so encouraging
during the entire pushing stage. They kept telling me what a
wonderful job I was doing and how impressed they were and things
like that. After a while I got tired of reaching up for the bar
every time and decided to try something else. The midwife had me lay
back, almost on my back (I know pushing on your back is looked down
upon—she said she often prefers it but I can't remember why now)
with my knees pulled up. Chad asked me what he should talk to me
about during each contraction and I said "ice and feathers" so I
could think about ice coming down before the baby's head. I think I
slowed down the pushing stage at this point because I was afraid. I
was afraid of pooping and of tearing so I didn't want to push. I
told the nurse and midwife this and they helped me not worry as
much. I was also, I think, a little hesitant to let my baby go. I
liked having her in there! I didn't want the separation.

After a while they could see the top of her head and had me
reach down and feel her dark hair. They brought a mirror over to
show me, although I didn't like that. It was discouraging to just
see that small silver dollar-sized area opened up and to think that
I had a long ways to go. I would rather picture myself making more
progress than that so as to not get discouraged. So they took the
mirror away. A while later, she was out about an inch. I kept
pushing and everyone kept encouraging me. It was so much work.
During this time I was thinking that it probably would have been
worth it to get an epidural, but I think not having one helped a lot
with pushing. It was such hard work and towards the end my greatest
motivation for pushing was that when I pushed the pain of the
contraction was overridden by my intense pushing, which made me want
to push hard through the entire contraction. I'm sure this made
pushing faster. I probably pushed for about an hour or hour and a
half but I'm not sure. The "ring of fire" that people talk about
really wasn't that bad and I could have worried less about that. It
did burn but it was okay. Eventually she was out almost to her
eyebrows and they said I was almost done. She came out really fast.
Apparently the cord was wrapped around her neck once. As soon as she
was out they put her on my stomach. It was awesome. She was bluish
and covered in white vermix. Her cord was amazing. It was white,
which I didn't expect. I was amazed at how big she was and it's
amazing that a baby can fit inside us like that. After the cord
stopped pulsing Chad cut it and they whisked her away to do the
tests and things. She weighed 7 lbs. 2 oz. and was 20 ½ inches
(although the pediatrician measured 19 inches two days later). It
was strange to have her outside of me. I really do miss having her
there. But, she's so beautiful that it's also great to be able to
see her and interact with her!

In retrospect, I am very, very glad that I prepared for the
birth as much as I did. Doing Hypnobabies helped a lot. It wasn't
just listening to the scripts that helped. A whole lot of help came
from reading other group members' birth stories and seeing the
examples of so many women who had birthed naturally. It helped me to
not be afraid. I was definitely not afraid of the contractions, and
I think that being able to relax through them helped my progress a
lot. I really didn't mind the contractions until I was dilated to
nine centimeters. I could have prepared a lot more for the pushing
part of labor. I allowed stories about tearing, pooping, and the
ring of fire to influence me and I was afraid. I think this stalled
the pushing stage a bit because I held back. I didn't need to be
afraid. None of those things was as bad as I had imagined. I did end
up with a first degree tear but it hasn't really bothered me.

I very rarely practiced entering hypnosis except while
listening to a daily script. If I had, it would have been
more "second nature" to me to think of doing this while in labor. As
it was, for some reason, I don't think I even thought about turning
my switch to "off" or "center" the whole time and wish I had. I will
definitely do more practicing the next time around.

I had thought seriously about having a doula but I'm glad I
didn't. Chad was great to talk me through contractions and push on
my back when I needed it. I wouldn't have felt as comfortable
walking around outside if I had brought a doula along too. I don't
think I'll ever use one, although I'm sure they are very helpful for
others. My nurse and midwife were angels and that made a huge
difference. I can see where having a doula would be good if you
didn't have a midwife or someone there helping you through the
entire pushing stage.

I don't think birthing with an epidural would have been that
bad, but wow did I feel powerful after birthing Jozie naturally.
What a high. I look back on giving birth to her as one of the most
amazing experiences of my life and I am so grateful that it went
well.