Birth of Baby Macie

I had my baby on March 11 and this is my story. It turned out very long!

After all these months, my birthing time is over and I am alone in my
body. Holding little Macie in my arms, I don't need to go to my Special
place. It is here. It is now.

I guess my history is relevant: I've done natural childbirth before. My
first three were natural, but so painful. (You may want to skip to the
next paragraph.) The pain of those births from transition through birth
was blinding. It was without time. Nothing else mattered in it, not the
baby, not the birth, just please, please, please make it stop. Crowning
and birth were agony. So with my fourth I had a spinal at 8cm and
escaped the pain, but somehow felt an emptiness about that too. Now
I've done Hypnobabies, and this birth was so beautiful I'm just awed.
It was not pain free, but manageable.

I thought my birthing time was beginning on Wednesday evening. The
pressure waves were strong and came all night. However, by morning they
were gone. Two days passed. Friday evening they finally came back,
strong enough to wake me up all night. I needed to use my hypnosis to
stay comfortable. I even had Derek time a few around 7:00 Saturday
morning, they were five minutes apart and a minute long, but gradually
they went away too. I began doubting myself a little at that point. How
many nights could this go on? Weeks?  Saturday evening when they came
back strong enough I couldn't talk through them, I didn't dare get my
hopes up, and braced myself for another rough night! I fell asleep
listening to hypnotic childbirth and woke up in the recliner to stagger
to bed around 1:30 a.m. The pressure waves were strong and hurt some,
not bad, but I was tired and didn't have the energy to focus and turn
off. I just wanted to sleep! The pressure waves kept coming, sometimes
far apart, sometimes close. Derek was sick with fever and body aches
and I thought it would be better to wait another day or two anyway :)
However, after some time I couldn't lay down for them anymore, so I got
up and paced the floor, wondering what to do. I thought about going to
the recliner where I always practiced and listening to scripts, but it
seemed so lonely out in the living room in the middle of the night.

I decided a hot bath in our big tub would relax me the most and then
maybe I could come back to bed and get some sleep! (I should have been
clueing in, but it was late :) I went into center then got in the tub
at about 3:00 a.m. The water was heaven! After just a couple more
pressure waves they were totally painless. Derek brought me a towel to
lay my head on and timed a few waves. They were two minutes apart but
only 30 seconds long and just so easy I still wasn't convinced they
were serious. However, I was beginning to believe my birthing time
would be tomorrow, so I told my sick spouse he better try to get a
little sleep since the next day might be a long one. I just lay back in
center and told myself deeper and deeper, feeling very good. When I got
out for a potty break I intended to come right back to the water, but
the pressure waves were suddenly stronger-- these were serious! They
did hurt, but manageable, so I got some sweats on and told Derek I might
not make it until morning (this was maybe 4:00 a.m.) I walked out into
the living room, thinking now would be a good time for deepening, but
as I walked I began to have a shaky feeling and suddenly I knew it was
time to go. Derek wasn't up, but he sprang into action when I said now!
 After I called my mom to come stay with the kids, I sat in a chair
with the birth guide on my ipod and turned off, but soon I was turning
to center for the waves so I could say the peace cue out loud. Derek
quickly loaded up my stuff in the car while I relaxed and went deeper
for a few minutes before we were off to the hospital!

It is only five minutes to the hospital, but I had three pressure waves
on the way. During waves I was loudly saying, "Peace! Peace! Peace!
Only pressure and tightening!" Derek reached over to put a hand on my
shoulder and say the relax cue (that felt good) and while they did hurt
and were very intense I still felt able to manage them. As we walked
into the hospital a little after 5:00 a.m. (me: "Peace! Peace! Peace!")
the nurse came up and asked, "Is it time to have the baby?" Me: "yes."
Nurse: "How much are you hurting?" Me: "I'm not, it is only pressure
and tightening." Derek quickly explained to her ;)  The birth guide was
still playing in my ears and was helping me very much, and sometimes I
would just go deeper with it, even as I was in center and getting
admitted, and sometimes I was more interactive with the nurses. I
remember thinking, between waves, as we were going in that the pressure
waves were not too bad so far, and yet they were taking all my focus...
Walking into the birthing room (there is only one in our little rural
hospital :) my nurse gave me a gown, and I went into the bathroom to
change and go potty. I almost immediately called for Derek for the next
pressure wave and he did the relax cue with me. I was not quiet, saying
peace very loudly, but letting it out actually seemed to help me relax
and let go. I thought it was so great that Derek had this powerful cue
to help me too. Out of the bathroom the nurse checked me and said I was
an 8! I was so encouraged! She listened to the baby's heartbeat through
a couple waves, but because the monitor belts were not comfortable to
me at that point (I believe I said "Ow!" when she tried) she simply
said, "you don't like that? Okay, we'll have them off." She was great.
The best part about that room a recliner just like mine, so that is
where I wanted to be. I was finally able to really turn off with the
finger drop and relax very deeply. I still quickly switched to center
for waves so I could say "peace!" through them (they were not painless,
but I was managing okay) and between waves I was completely comfortable
and relaxed.

Dr. E (my family practitioner for the last 15 years) arrived fast!
"Well, you're an 8." he said. "Not anymore," I reminded him, "I'm
feeling a little pushy. And my hands feel like the fuzz on TV." I
closed my eyes again. Derek was on one side of me, holding my right
hand, and the waves were getting so intense that I would have to yell,
"Peace, peace peace! Aaaaaaaaaaah! Open open open! Aaaaaaaah!"  Derek
was saying "relax, more powerful anesthesia..." but these were hard!  I
think there were three or four waves like that.. I didn't scream, just
my voice came out loud and unhindered. I realized that Dr. E was on my
other side holding my left hand too, and suddenly I just felt so
comforted, feeling the tenderness and support of the people around me.
With the next pressure wave I said, "I need to push." and with the next
one Dr. E checked me and said, "you are complete except that little lip
on top." "Does that mean I can't push?" I asked. "No, go ahead and push
when you are ready." The nurse asked me to get on the bed, but I flatly
said no. "You can't have the baby in the recliner," she protested. "Oh
yes I can," I said, closed my eyes, and listened to Kerry instead :)
But as I pushed that first time laying there on my back, the rectal
pressure was too much, that isn't where the baby should come out! I
said I needed to stand to have the baby, which made it feel like she
was coming out the correct place, so they quickly helped me to my feet
right as the "pushing baby out" was beginning on my ipod! What luck!
"Soon I will hold my baby in my arms,” I said. I had another wave,
"AAAAAH!" (loud exhale pushing.) Then turned to lean on Derek and get
serious, having the wide open "Ah's" turn much more growly or grunty.
After a couple pushes I felt my water break and looked down to make
sure it was clear. Soon I needed those earphones off, and my glasses
off too, and there was always a hand ready to do what I asked, although
my eyes remained closed most of the time. It felt intense to push, even
scary, but it did not hurt like those last transition waves did.
Between waves I rested my head on Derek's shoulder and relaxed in his
arms feeling very comfortable. I remember just sort of falling in love
with him again as he held me there while I had our baby... Anyway it
was so neat to feel the baby coming down. At first I felt her come
down, then go up a little and I said, "it feels like she moved back up"
after the wave. "Yes, she'll move down and up," Dr. E answered. But I
didn't want her to move up! I found I could consciously release the
tension in those muscles and let her come back down (this was between
waves) and it was so amazing to have that awareness and control. As she
came down, I moved gradually into squatting, still supported by my
spouse. The next few pushes as she descended were intense, and I had
very mixed feelings as the pressure increased because I was scared of
crowning and birth and yet it had been so much easier this far... As
she crowned the pressure was incredible, and I felt lots of stretching
in my perineum, not terribly painful but so intense. I said "I do want
an epidural" sort of as a joke but really because I was afraid what was
coming next would really hurt. But with the next push (5:55 a.m.) she
slid out so easily! It was amazing to feel her slippery body being born
like that, and it didn't hurt! (Hey, the anesthesia worked!) I felt
wonderful *immediately* , not sore or worn out at all. Dr. E had caught
the baby behind me, but the baby's cord was so short it was hard for me
to even turn around to see her, so he passed her under my legs to the
nurse, who handed her back around to him as I turned around to watch my
new baby letting out her first cries. I had to stand very close because
of that short cord, so after a couple minutes Dr. E clamped and cut the
cord and handed me my little wailing daughter, bright red and just
beautiful. I climbed on the bed with her and with a little push there
was the placenta (he was putting some traction on the cord, but that
was fine with me.) Then he looked at my cervix (which made me say ow ow
ow!) and told me I didn't tear, but only had a "stretch mark"--the
first baby I didn't tear with. Hooray! I felt wonderful! I think
relaxing my birthing muscles to allow the baby out made all the
difference in the world in how great I felt as soon as she was born. My
bleeding clamped down right away on its own, nobody even suggested
massaging my fundus. I had never experienced anything like that amazing
birth and immediate recovery.

They left us alone for a while. I calmed down our little baby and
nursed her quietly to sleep. When we were ready we called the nurse
back and she wheeled us to our room. Derek took our little girl to the
nursery, but since I was bloody I decided to have a shower. And I did!
I did not even feel like I needed a rest in bed at all. After my shower
I walked across the hall to the nursery to find out how much she
weighed (6lb 3 oz.) etc, then we took her back to our room to enjoy
that wonderful first day together. We came home that same evening.
Everything was perfect.

We named our baby Macie. She is so sweet and has brought a lot of love
into our home. This birth is one of the most beautiful experiences I
have ever had, and I attribute most of that to Hypnobabies for the
tools and suggestions to make it possible. It was not pain-free but
still so amazing, and the pain never was out of control. Wonderfully
different from my other natural births. I can't say enough good things
about this program!

Stacie